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Three years. Three years of AEW being celebrated on tonight’s episode of AEW Dynamite. Three years since Tony Khan began his quest to RUIN THE CHADSTER’S LIFE by launching AEW with the first Double or Nothing PPV, competing with the Chadster’s beloved WWE in a way that is just so unfair. Three years since The Chadster was last able to have sexual intercourse with his wife because AEW has rendered The Chadster sexually impotent. Three years since The Chadster’s beautiful wife Keighleyanne has been unsatisfied, all thanks to Tony Khan, forcing her to always be texting with that guy Gary. Three years since Tony Khan proved that he doesn’t understand the first thing about the wrestling business and that he has zero respect for pro wrestling and everything Vince McMahon has done for it. Three years since The Chadster has been forced to act as the lone voice of unbiased wrestling journalism, with the possible exception of Ryan Satin and Booker T. Three years since WWE was the lone major American pro wrestling promotion, as it deserves to be after all the hard work they put in. Three years since The Chadster started saying, “Auughh man! So unfair!” Auugh man! So unfair!
Tonight is the 3-year anniversary episode of AEW Dynamite and also the go-home show for AEW Double or Nothing, happening this weekend in Las Vegas, same as tonight’s episode of Dynamite. And three years later, Tony Khan has learned absolutely nothing and continues to show The Chadster NO MERCY, which is just so insulting because that used to be one of The Chadster’s favorite wrestling games before WWE came up with the far superior 2K series. And now, instead of admitting he was wrong to start AEW and persecute The Chadster, instead Tony Khan is celebrating this anniversary?! It’s so obscene!
Two matches semi-final matches in the Owen Hart Foundation tournament will take place, with all of the competitors being wrestlers who literally stabbed Vince McMahon right in the back by signing with AEW after WWE fired them in the case of Samoa Joe, Kyle O’Reilly, and Toni Storm, and by luring her boyfriend Adam Cole to do the same in the case of Dr. Britt Baker D.M.D.. Three men from three tag teams facing off in a triple threat as Jungle Boy, Ricky Starks, and Swerve Strickland represent their teams ahead of a Tag Team Championship triple threat at Double or Nothing. Two wrestling companies ganging up to bully The Chadster’s beloved WWE as AEW’s FTR faces NJPW’s Roppongi Vice. Who-knows-how-many powerbombs likely delivered by Wardlow when he’s locked in a steel cage with his opponent, Shawn Spears, and special referee MJF, who he will face at Double or Nothing. And two major interviews, as Tony Schiavone talks to AEW Women’s World Champion Thunder Rosa ahead of her match with Serena Deeb at Double or Nothing and a face-to-face confrontation between Double or Nothing opponents AEW World Champion Hangman Adam Page and CM Punk.
One Chadster, seriously cheesed off. That’s tonight’s AEW Dynamite by the numbers. Please don’t tune in at 8/7C on TBS.
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