Lohani Noor is a psychotherapist who specialises in sex and relationships. She spoke exclusively to Express.co.uk about what each love language means – and how you can discover your own.
Lohani told Express.co.uk that as people go through different stages of their lives, they may require different things from their partners.
“As we grow and age, we may well find that how we experience ourselves and the world around us changes as does how we want to be validated.
“In your 20s receiving affirmation through physical touch may be the most important demonstration of love, however this may change during your 30s and 40s when children come along to acts of service and again in your 50s and 60s to spending quality time together.
“Our changing sense of ourselves directly impacts how we give and receive love. Using the love languages exercise will help couples navigate their changing needs over the years.”
She continued:”Gary Chapman, the author of The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, defines five distinct ways in which people demonstrate love to one another.
Giving and receiving words of affirmation (compliments)
Spending quality time together
Giving and receiving gifts
Acts of service
Physical touch.”
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Perhaps you feel that you aren’t connecting with your partner at the moment, or you don’t know how best to communicate your feelings.
Lohani’s technique to discovering your love language might just be the trick.
“I do a simple exercise with couples that helps them understand their own and their partner’s love languages.
“Sometimes one or both partners are working very hard to show the other person that they love them but their words and actions aren’t recognised, as they are not on their partner’s love language radar.”
This practical exercise hopes to make the discussion around relationship needs much easier.
“I ask both members of the couple to create three columns each.
DON’T MISS
Words of Affirmation
Telling them how wonderful they are and how grateful you are for them
Congratulating them on milestones and achievements – no matter how big or small
Leaving a voice note to wish them a nice day
Remembering their big days at work and wishing them well
Popping a surprise card in their suitcase or hand luggage if they are going away so they will find it whilst on their travels
Quality Time
Having breakfast together before heading off to work
Going for a walk together.
Having a date night away from friend, family, work and children
Maintain eye contact when talking
Setting time aside in the evening to catch up on the day
Receiving gifts
Buying them their favourite sweet or chocolate
Gifting them something that reflects their interests
Picking up heartfelt souvenirs for them on your travels
Giving random gifts just because
Acts of service
Getting their car washed
Doing household tasks they may usually do, like laundry or ironing
Picking up dry cleaning
Filling the car up with petrol
Making them a packed lunch for work
Physical touch
Cuddling while watching TV
Kissing hello and goodbye
Giving public displays of affection
Treating them to a back rub
Holding hands on a walk
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